Seven Reasons Your Christian Husband Cannot Do Better — Part 6

Reason #6: He Is Trying to Please You

Our fears are many and are our masters.


The man living to please his wife is afraid. He won’t measure up. He’ll make a mistake. He’s sure of it.

How did he get this way? Probably, he suffered at the hands of his parents. However, he gets no relief from kicking himself unless he knows you’re happy, and convincing him of your happiness can be hard. His service to you goes beyond Christian charity. Face it: You are an idol in his life. He’ll likely fail to do much for the Lord unless he takes his eyes off you, turns around, and looks to Jesus.

Solution #6: How do you dance with a man who won’t lead? How tempting simply to express your opinion, let him fulfill your will, and live it up! Yes, it is. Is that Godly? No, it is not.

God wants you to be a helper, fit for him, but he is afraid. He fears losing you, failing you, displeasing you…he fears YOU! The fear of man (or woman) is a snare. God wants him to stand, throw off this fear, know the voice of Jesus, and walk in the light. The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.

It’s not your fault. Someone has done this to him, but you suffer, too. Someone has broken, squashed, or grated on your man, when he was a little boy. To him, anything would be worse than your displeasure. Somehow, someone has to undo this wrong.

The hard part is dying to yourself.

If your husband had a physical handicap, you’d never think of tripping him when he walked. You’d gladly fetch his cane, rub liniment, or whatever, to help him heal. Instead, his affliction is emotional. The things that trip him are the everyday nuances of personality that anyone else can bear. A pout, a sigh, or a frown make you appear to be unhappy. He is alarmed. He quizzes you. You resent it. He feels shut out. You feel helpless. It never ends.

You are in a powerful position, though, to minister healing in the name of Jesus. You can convince him that it would please you most for him to ask God’s will instead of seeking yours. He will not be easy to convince. You can encourage him to go ahead and risk making a mistake. He will despair over it, even in his sleep. You can accept him, blunders, and all. He will be awaiting your rejection, instead. If he bows to you, bow beneath him. If he goes lower, go lower, still. You can assure him that you will love him for a lifetime, no matter what. If it takes a lifetime, it truly does not matter. It is do-able. 

Minister acceptance to your husband and you will be an instrument in God’s hand to help him stand tall in the acceptance that is his in Jesus Christ. You will become the helper he needs, a helper that is fit for him, his helpmeet. If he were a missionary, he would need a missionary helpmeet. If he were a lawyer, he would need a helpmeet who could maneuver in society. If he were poor, he would need a helpmeet who could follow a budget. If he were lame, he would need a helpmeet who could endure the smell of liniment. Instead of these requirements, your husband needs mending. He needs time. He needs smiles. He needs space. Above all, he needs to know of your love on a daily, or even hourly basis. Tell him, show him, and prove to him, many times over, that you love him. Never think that now, finally, you have convinced him. 

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. (Proverbs 31:11)  So says Scripture of the good wife. It then lists the benefits the good wife provides for her husband so that he need not venture out for them. You can provide cheer, comfort, love, and acceptance for him. He need not look beyond your lovely face for hope. You can show him, even be for him the love of Jesus manifested into his life. You can help him see the hope that lies in Jesus.

Listen to this conversation between a married couple from Scripture: “We are doomed to die!” he said to his wife. “We have seen God!” But his wife answered, “If the LORD had meant to kill us, he would not have accepted a burnt offering and grain offering from our hands, nor shown us all these things or now told us this.” Can you see the way Samson’s mother tried to instill hope and joy into the heart of her husband, who was relating to good tidings from a basis of fear?

You can do the same. You can help your husband love God and look to Him for guidance. You can help him learn to trust in the love of God. You can help him relax in the presence of God. You can be good tidings, in his life. He will begin to trust you. He will join your children in rising up to call you blessed. He will begin to praise you. He will feel safe.

It will be the first time in his life.

Part 7. You will love this one!

7 thoughts on “Seven Reasons Your Christian Husband Cannot Do Better — Part 6

  1. thehomeschoolmomblog says:

    Absolutely! I would also argue that in wanting to please us, he might allow us to take over certain controls which do not belong to us. He sees us want control, gives it to us, and this leads to a multitude of trouble. Our husbands feel bad because we don’t trust them and we begin to resent him because we are taking on too much.

    We need to be confident in the Lord and the man He has brought us, even though we might not understand the why’s of how things get done.

    • katharinetrauger says:

      Oh, you do understand, Cristina! Yes, that is how it can go.
      There are many traditional roles in the home that may be delegated by the man to the woman. A friend of mine is a math teacher, married to an artist. He totally wants her to do all the math surrounding the budget/checkbook, etc. Yet, when he wants to break the budget for something important to him, she yields to his desires and reconfigures the budget for the next month. It almost looks as if she is telling him what he may or may not spend, but actually, she serves him like a steward for him and it works for them.
      And their home is filled with wonderful art!
      Yet, in our home, the husband is in charge of all the money, is totally frugal, assigns allowances for every penny! Ha! And it works for us.
      In each case, the husband has decided how his home will function, and the wife is pleased to follow his lead with a smile.
      And that pleases God. 🙂

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