How Does Marriage Relate to Dating?
Yesterday, we quoted God about when we should leave our parents behind.
First, He said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is like him.” (Genesis 2:18)
And then He did make a helper and did show her to the man.
Then the Bible tells us: This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24 HCSB)
The reason we leave our parents is to marry. The reason we bond to another is to marry. We do not leave our parents for:
- church events
We only leave them to join ourselves to a spouse in marriage.
I knew a boy who was 16 at the time, found a cute girl who was 14, and became very interested in her. His mom told him:
“Son, I know she is not the one for you. I know she is not the one for your wife. You are not looking for a good time at her expense, right? You are looking for a wife. She is too young to marry, so she could not possibly be the one. You need to look at the 18-to-20-year-olds. They are old enough.”
Saying that to a kid his age surely must have put the dampers on what he was doing.
And it was the truth. And I, too, sincerely hoped no son of mine was ever looking for a good time at some sweet little girl’s expense. No broken hearts because of stupidity, no miss-matched in-laws because of disobeying God’s express command, would come from my sons, I hoped and prayed. God-given hormones would stay within God-given guidelines, I hoped and prayed.
Many of us grew up in a culture that has fed us a lie: Go ahead and have a little fun while you’re young! Kick up your heels a little! You only live once!
Of course, fun things can happen, even for teens. Funny things can happen. Cheery people exist and we can join in the cheer. True fun, though, is not so funny when we forget the guidelines and everything backfires. Is it? True fun is considerate, not manipulative. Just as joking at someone else’s expense is wrong, so also, is any other time we enjoy someone else’s pain.
I used to tell my kids, “If everyone is not having fun, it is not play; it’s just some kids having fun making one kid miserable.”
I enjoy driving 70 mph. I reserve this activity for the Interstate, though, and do not practice it in neighborhoods where children are at play. That would be wrong and would easily backfire.
I enjoy eating sweets, but restrain myself in front of my diabetic friends, just as I leave out the mushrooms in my sauces when I’m entertaining someone who abhors them. No fun at another’s expense!
But . . . but . . .
Those of us who grew up in the current culture and believed its lies may tend to think: I did what you are saying we should not do, and I have a happy marriage. . . .
I believe you are an example of God’s mercy, and you are not an example of wisdom. He lovingly guided you beyond many dangers you placed yourself into, and protected you from yourself as you followed the world’s guidelines instead of His. He did that for me, I know. Why He does this, I am not sure, but I know one thing:
I am happily married because He had my back and made up for my stupidity over and over and over and over again.
It was not because I did right.
And I’m probably 90% correct when I guess it was similar for you. True?
Let me help you with your answer, here.
If you attended a class reunion and sat beside your husband at a table with an old flame and his wife, innocently reliving the good ol’ days, would there be episodes you’d automatically avoid?
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