Dearest Angela,

I’ve been wondering something: how is it that we can see God wanting us to bear with the weaknesses of our parents, our neighbors, and our children, but we cannot see God’s will that way, regarding our husbands’ imperfections?

I think it is because we think we’ve picked out our husbands all by ourselves.

I think it irritates and embarrasses us to think we chose all these faults.

It is so important to realize the actual truth though: God allowed you to marry Dan because He could see that his quirks would be good for you. (Romans 8:28)

But what about bigger things – the things that shouldn’t happen, but do?

So, Dan erased the computer – are you going to forgive that, too? I laugh when I say that, because I think of my sister, your own dear mother, and some of the biggies she had to forgive, or else you would not even exist!

Or would you like to trade Dan in for someone who makes no mistakes? Or will you keep him around to think bad thoughts at, to make yourself feel better about your own faults?

If you choose to forgive, your first thoughts will be, “Are we in a mess! Let’s try to fix it, if we can.”

To outsiders (That’s anyone but the two of you) you’ll say, “We managed to erase our compute this morning.”

You will not give people an opportunity to think more highly of you than of Dan. It does not matter if he was acting hurriedly and the loss was a great one, due largely to carelessness: You will not be angry, place blame, nor strike back. As much as possible, you will fiercely protect his reputation as an intelligent being.

So, if you can’t fix it, forgive him with joy. It’s your God-given task.

Before I close I feel I must share with you a few of my faults:

After over 40 years, I still forget to put salt and pepper on the table at every meal.

You won’t believe how tall my stack of ironing is.

Am I totally “on budget”?

And for bigger blunders, guess my current tally on fender-benders?

I don’t mean to do these things – they just happen! I’m sure you could add a few of your own, not because I think you are bad, but because I think you’re human. All humans make mistakes.

How does your husband react to your faults? If you are unaware of any shortcomings, he is probably reacting in a peaceful way.

You do have faults; we all do. He’s just not fussing at you! Are you returning the favor?

My husband has been known to pick up an iron. He fetches his own condiments at meals while joking about how it’s a good thing for me that he loves me. (And it is!) He pays for my fender-benders, always blaming himself for not praying better for my protection and always thanking God I wasn’t hurt.

Just recently I discovered he doesn’t like my favorite outfit. I’ve been wearing it for three years! It was supposed to be a secret from me, but I quite mercilessly wheedled it out of him. (He was little angry then.) He wants me to wear it because he knows I like it.

The point is: we do not know how many secret things our husbands take delight in overlooking. The reason we don’t know is that it’s a secret. They do this because of love. To them, we’re worth it.

We must respond in kind, don’t you think, Dear? It’s only fair!

More next week…

Much love,

Aunt Vic