Dearest Angela,
I am so glad my last letter blessed you! I can tell you have put a lot of thought into it. Please do not be embarrassed to ask questions.
So.
What if he’s wrong?
Good question! Can you believe I’m glad you asked? Trouble is, there are so many answers, I may get writer’s cramp. At least I can begin, though.
There are so many ways a husband can be wrong! The poor dears are usually doing their best, but are held under very close scrutiny by people who can be quite hard to please: wives.
Think about it. How do you feel if your hair turns out wrong? How do you feel if the carpet is wrinkled? The clock is behind a little? The light bulb burned out?
I’m sure there are hundreds of tiny things that can cause this feeling in a wife: displeasure. It’s not overwhelming, but it can build up.
Think of ten things that displease you.
Imagine your feelings of all ten of them happened in one morning. Imagine how it would be if you also dwelt on these displeasing happenings all day. You’d be depressed or angry. Then every time you looked in a mirror, or at the clock, or tripped over carpet on your way to turn on the light, you’d remember all ten things and start feeling worse.
A normal human male is capable of doing ten displeasing things. He could leave toothpaste open, re-fold newspapers imperfectly, lose umbrellas, park under sappy trees, leave wash cloths in the shower, use too much salt, etc., giving his wife plenty on which to meditate all day, if she chose. Then every time she looked at him she could remember all ten things and start feeling worse. Soon a day would come when he would make a huge blunder, something like dropping a bucket of paint on a brick patio or erasing the computer, and his wife, who is supposed to be his friend, is the first to turn on him and . . .
Of course I know you’d never do that, but it helps to put things into perspective.
There are varying degrees of wrongness and varying responses, accordingly.
It is wrong to leave the toothpaste uncapped, for instance, because it is an unsanitary practice and poor stewardship. As a good helpmeet, you should help him be clean and protect his property, not by scolding him about the cap, but by quietly placing the cap onto the tube. If this happens every morning for an entire marriage, you will cap his toothpaste around 18,000 times. You can do that and you should do it with joy because it is an honor to be a toothpaste capper for the LORD of Hosts.
What? You’re not putting the cap on for Jesus? Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that, because it is the very thing He has asked you to do! Ephesians 5:22 says your submission to your husband should be “as unto the Lord.” The Lord, Himself, has given you this privileged position as a man-helper. You help your man and the Lord is blessed. If you do not, He is not.
Whew! That was only one category of response! If your husband is wrong but you can quietly fix it, do so with joy.
It’s your God-given task.
You CAN do it.
And I think you would do that much for me, so why not for Dan?
I’ll write more next week.
Much love!
Aunt Vic
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photo credit: Wikipedia
The Conquering Mom.com 
The little bit about putting the cap on for the Lord made me tear up. It’s so RIGHT, but it’s also so HARD! It’s so, so hard to quietly and joyfully serve the Lord by “fixing” the small things a husband errs in.
I am blessed in that my husband is not sloppy and I won’t be capping a toothpaste tube for him roughly 18,000 times in my life, but when he’s especially tired or something, he will leave his mud-flaking boots in the middle of my newly-swept living room, or his video game controllers on the coffee table, or…
And I have been WRONG–I usually ignore them, instead of putting these things away and correcting his wrong. Occasionally, I have asked him to put them away, which he is happy to do. But he would be even happier if he suddenly noticed that I had moved his boots for him. He would be very happy.
Thank you for this reminder. These letters are a huge blessing to me. I love the writing style. And I love that Aunt Vic incorporates humor while still being quite frank. And yet, she is loving. She is a wonderful writer, I think. Reading these letters makes me want to write a letter. 🙂
Thanks so much, Victoria, for all these kind words!
When you mentioned the muddy boots, I had to cringe, a little. It would help me if I were to imagine myself really tired and that would make me feel sorry for someone else who is. It would make me feel like making that person happy . . .
And I think I would tell myself, “Well, at least he comes home. Sober.” I always think of the women who must wonder where their husband is. Or know where he is and hate it. That would help me in this case, too.
Of course, each of us does something that has to be understood or explained, and for the husband, it is supposed to be the wife who understands, who explains. I am so glad for you and for your husband, that you can see this. It is a gift not everyone gets.
The Lord showed me, years ago, this same principle, but in regard to my kids. That every poopy diaper was a chance for me to worship God, if I treated my babies as though I were mothering Jesus himself.
How I never translated that to being a good help-meet, I don’t quite know. But I’m so glad I read this, as I have been working on this very thing for a few years now. I hadn’t thought of the “as unto the Lord” in the same light. I don’t quite know how I saw that part, but this post clarified it and brought it into focus.
Thank you.
Oh, that is so good! Thanks so much for this comment, Tiff! A few years now? I think it takes a lifetime. I was just thinking it is such a good thing God is infinite, since my propensity to need Him seems to be, also! 🙂