I’ve wanted to share some letters from a friend, Victoria Porter, who is such a careful writer. I think you will benefit from the words she wrote to her newly-wed niece, Angela, many years ago. See if you can find anything useful in them. See part 1, here.
Here are some more thoughts on accepting, forgiving, and loving your dear husband. Hope these help.
I think we need some Scripture, first. A favorite, one that everyone knows and too few grasp, is Genesis 2;18, which reads, in part, “It is not good that man should be alone.”
In your well-churched childhood, I am sure you heard these words a few times. Maybe you heard that this is the one thing in Creation about which God could not say, “It is good.”
Perhaps you have even heard this is the reason you exist, as a woman, because it is not good for men to be alone.
Those are good questions, worthy of study by serious-minded Bible readers, but since you are now a married woman, there is a question you must keep asking yourself:
Is my man alone?
Of course, I know you two are hardly ever apart, except for the hours he must be at work. What I mean, though, is: Do you do things to him that give him that “alone” feeling?
What does that mean? Let’s consider a few examples:
- Do you smile and greet him warmly when he comes in? OR Do you say, “Oh, hi,” and go on with your own agenda? (Does he feel welcomed, or tolerated?)
- Do you prepare his favorite foods just for him? OR Do you fix lots of hot dogs and tuna because you neglected to plan? (Is he pampered, or forgotten?)
- Do you honor him explicitly before your friends? OR Do you tell them your problems with him? (Is he a king, or a pain?)
- Do you really listen to the tale of his daily trials or victories? OR Do you unload your daily trials on him, first chance? (Is he important, or just handy?)
- Do you follow his preference in church? OR Do you gripe about church and pine away over “real worship”? (Is he your Spiritual leader, or a stick in the mud?)
- Do you ask him to help you understand Scripture? OR Do you spend hours in Bible study, acting the know-it-all? (Is he your Spiritual head, or a nonentity?)
- Do you show excitement about his projects? OR Do you grumble about his clutter? (Blessing, or nuisance?)
- Do you sympathize with him? OR Do you laugh at his foibles? (Co-laborer, or dead weight?)
- Do you keep house? OR Do you sleep, eat, and run the roads too much? (Beloved, or depressing?)
If someone treated me in ways that made me feel like I was a tolerated pain, a forgotten (except when handy) stick-in-the-mud, a nonentity, a nuisance, a depressing dead weight, I would feel very unloved! If this person so treating me was my only chance for a friend, I’d feel very alone.
Angela, you are your husband’s only chance for a very best friend. He cannot simply decide to find another! Dear Niece, it is not because of divorce laws, but because of his aching love for you, his oneness with you, something we women barely can grasp.
Inside his heart beats the love that caused the Eternal Husband to weep: “Oh Jerusalem, Jerusalem . . . how often I would have . . . and ye would not!” (Matthew 23:39)
Is your man as alone as Jerusalem’s “Man” was?
I’ll write you more next Saturday, okay Love?
‘Bye for now,