The classic human male depends upon the female from the moment he is conceived.
Why? It is easy to see: she is the mother and manages his survival. Her hormonally natural tendencies to softness, milk production, multi-tasking, etc., are perfect for this job.
Although many may try, no one else can do sustenance like a mom.
The same cause—hormones—gives the male a natural tendency to rise to any challenge.
Although he may acquiesce due to the requirements of society, the default setting on the male is to achieve supremacy over even his mom. If she is worth her salt, he will fail because she is bigger than he is until he reaches his teens.
That is a long time. In fact, at that time, it is his entire life.
In the whole, classically defined, family, the mom is in authority over all the tiny males puttering around her skirts until one begins to show he would like to take over. Then is time for the dad to show him a huge tree that needs to be split into firewood, or a huge lawn that needs to be mowed, or a huge ANYTHING that is bigger than this boy/man.
Perspiring and drinking a lot of water does wonders for diverting unspent hormones. A boy who is truly hungry regains respect for the cook. Instead of grumbling his way through tooth-brushing, etc., he falls into bed, grateful for the opportunity to rest, and falls into a deep, healing sleep devoid of folly.
And he develops the habit of taking it out on something huge, instead of taking it out on some woman.
But what if things go wrong and the “tree is bent” wrong?
What if momma nags because she thinks dad dysfunctional?
What if Dad IS dysfunctional?
A dad who does not take his sons in hand, forcing them to grow beyond abuse, does lots of harm and shows he probably was raised with no good example. If his dad ignored him in favor of other sons, how is he to know what to do?
His frustration often will manifest against his wife in the small, demeaning things he does to put her down, as he maybe also did to his mom, since his dad probably did, and on it goes and the cycle repeats.
The dad does not teach the boy what he, as a man, is supposed to become.
A woman who takes dad’s job into her own hands just makes it worse, though. She unknowingly irritates like a mosquito whining around the ear of this man-child. With no direction, he either strikes out or stuffs his frustrations deep inside. Either way, he resents, and does not respect, this most important woman.
And she does not teach him that his being is a blessing.
It is her job to teach him what he is: a welcome member of humanity, an asset, someone we need. Instead, in all her trying to be the dad, she demonstrates disapproval.
So. He should be learning to respect women and relax about his self-image. Instead, he learns to ignore or abuse women and be uptight.
So love a little more.
‘Cuz everybody’s broken.
— Nicole Nordiman
Photo credit: Wikipedia